this question arose the other night as i was laying in bed unable to fall asleep.. staring at the inside of my eyelids..  so how do i know if i really am happy or if im just in denial about a completely miserable existence?  when i was younger i remember thinking of myself as a pessimist, always seeing the glass half empty.. but lately, i think ive grown into an optimist.. i try to look for the good in everything, and if something is going bad, i can only hope that in the future things will be better.. i think all the nights of laying awake in bed for hours when i was younger stressing about various problems taught me a valuable lesson: you're never going to get any sleep staying up giving yourself ulcers like that..  i suppose every situation can be looked at from different viewpoints, and that very fact makes it reasonable to assume that you can choose to be either happy or miserable in any situation..  i choose to be happy.. sure i didnt start college until i was 20, i owe lots of money for my car that i can never seem to keep clean, and i fear that ill always be a procrastinator, unfairly defensive, and will probably never mature 100% into a full grown responsible adult, but i have lots of things to look forward to..

well enough of that, i dont know why i would be thinking about how happy i am after a visit to the dentist..  this is after a few years of not going to one.. so i found out that i do have to have my wisdom teeth pulled after all =(  today i got my cavity filled..  it wasnt as terrible as i remembered it being years ago.. i made the mistake of not eating breakfast before i left.. i woke up an hour late and had to haul ass to make it up to Escondido on time..  it wasnt until after i received a shot of novacaine did they tell me that i wouldnt be able to eat for 2-4 hours for fear of chewing my own face apart..  so now im home with a sore mouth and an ultra sensitive tooth.. to top it off i have cramps..  just in time for darrens birthday this weekend! wooo

speaking of which, we have no idea what we're doing..  with a birthday in july its always nice to be able to go to the beach for the day, but in san diego thats just suicide.. this year theyre expecting thousands upon thousands of natives and those damn arizona tourists to take it all off and frolick drunkenly on our polluted shores, so im not sure thats the place for me, and besides that darrens not much of a crowd lover anyway..  hed be completely content sitting in a divebar drinking away his birthday blues of turning 24.. old man!! 

until next time kiddies..